|
The Englishwoman At Home 1893
The Place which She occupies in
her own household. Takes the first
decent husband who comes her way,
and afterward the "obey" of the
marriage service is dutifully
regarded. This preferred to the
dreaded spinsterhood. Her frank
anger at the American girl's
audacity, her sons and daughters
worship her.
"You American girls are
spoiled_utterly spoiled." said an
English matron. "You frequently
reject a young man for no other
reason than that he is the first
who has done you the honor to
offer you his hand:" "But I don't
care for him," said the one
addressed.
"There is no reason why you
shouldn't care for him, since he
is eligible and with nothing about
him to which any reasonable
creature can make objection. But
you Americans pick and choose and
are entirely too particular. The
trouble is that you are sure if
you don't take one you can get
another. The men make fools of
you. I assure you an English girl
would be ashamed of such flippant
and capricious behavior."
The conversation is quoted to
illustrate the subject of this
article, the status of
Englishwomen in the home. A study
of English novels will reveal that
the roughness of the course of
true love is almost invariably
occasioned by ineligibility, the
suit of a younger son, or the
passion for the daughter of a
gardener or a gamekeeper. That a
girl should reject an offer merely
because she did not care for the
man is incomprehensible to the
majority of English maids and
matrons.
In spite of the fact that the
reign of a Queen might be supposed
to restore the spirit of chivalry,
an Englishwoman is far from being
queen of the household in the
sense that we should attach to the
title. She is, in fact, much
nearer the rank of a favorite
slave.
From her earliest infancy she is
imbued with the idea of the
superiority of her brothers. She
is taught that they are masters by
right of birth. She must wait upon
them, be patient under their
tyranny, love them passionately,
with a devotion and self-sacrifice
that asks for no return unless
they be graciously pleased to
accord the same.
It is but fair to say, however,
that, on the other hand, the boys
are taught that they are the
natural protectors of women. It is
their duty to provide for them, to
decide for them in all the
important affairs of life, to
shield them from dangers that an
American woman would thrust aside
without thinking of calling for
assistance. No English girl is
ever considered capable of looking
after herself.
The independence of the American
girl is one of her characteristics
which exercises a fascination over
young Englishmen, for not all of
them, be it said, marry us for
money.
There are many disinterested love
matches arising from the fact that
an Englishman finds our American
girl companionable. In some cases,
perhaps, his courtship is actuated
by feelings akin to his love for
the chase; for, whereas his own
countrywomen would receive him
promptly and graciously, and
accept his attentions and offer as
high honors, he is not at all
certain that his pursuit of a
dowerless American will end in her
capture. In the one case it is
like hunting pheasants driven to
cover; in the other, following
wild game in an open prairie.
It is a fact that Englishwomen are
very bitter in their denunciation
of our capture of their young men,
nobles and others. The columns of
the London papers were at one time
open to a discussion of the
subject, and the brutal frankness
of some male correspondents in
condemnation of English methods,
whereby English girls proved less
attractive than their American
rivals in society, could not have
been pleasant reading to any but
Americans.
The problem of the surplus female
population in England is a serious
one, and the steady diminution of
marriage, in addition to the
tendency of Englishmen to seek
wives among the daughters of the
Philistines, is a burden grievous
to be borne by the fathers and
mothers of large families of
girls.
With this prejudice on that
side of the water is a growing
dislike on this side that the
Briton should carry off the number
of Columbia's daughters which he
does an opposing condition which
accentuates the strength of the
attraction between the American
girl and the Englishman.
It was proposed in a London
women's periodical a few years ago
that an association should be
formed to induce widows to refrain
from marrying a second time as a
matter of justice to their own
sex.
It was broadly hinted that royalty
had purposely set an example.
Reference was not made to the
Queen, except as an instance of
undying loyalty to the memory of
her husband, but to the young
Duchesse of Albany, who might
reasonably be expected to have
taken unto herself "another mate."
"The great dread of an English
mother," says a New-York woman who
has lived years in England. "is
lest her daughter should acquire
the unpardonable reputation of
being fast." Little girls are
taught to be shy and quiet."
"An unmarried woman unless she be
of an age when she is awarded the
same license as the matron, which
is not before forty, can commit no
greater solecism in society than
to engage in a natural vivacious
conversation with a young man,
even in a drawing room where
numbers are present.
"Why, what harm could there be?
You were all there and could have
heard every word that I said,"
protested a young American friend
of mine who had been reproved for
such a misdemeanor.
"A young girl should never lead in
a conversation. She should be an
attentive listener," was the
sententious reply of a typical
English matron."
If such restraints are placed upon
English girls when in company it
may readily be imagined to what
extent the system of chaperones is
carried. "I never spent half an
hour in a room alone with
Mr.___until the night before we
were married," said an
Englishwoman.
"How did he propose?" was the
question that burst in voluntarily
from the listener's lips. " He
asked my brother for me," was the
complacent answer.
Mr. Howells had not then
written his near little summary of
this state of affairs, in which he
says: "In this country if a man
loves a girl he tells her so; in
Europe, he goes and tells her
grandmother."
But human nature cannot be
suppressed, and English lovers
steal kisses and whisper sweet
nothings in dark corners in spite
of sharp surveillance. Perhaps the
stolen sweets are all the sweeter,
who knows!
An unprejudiced study of society
in the two countries leads to the
belief that a combination of the
English and American plans would
be ideal. The English girl is
subjected to too much espionage,
the American to too little.
It is not at all unusual in this
country for a young man to become
an accepted suitor, and in some
instances, even a bridegroom, when
he is a comparative stranger to
the father and mother, sisters and
brothers of his fiancé.
In England this could not happen.
When an English suitor calls,
either before or after his
declaration, he is received by the
family. After the betrothal, which
is considered a much more solemn
contract than in America, he is
virtually one of the family.
A word about the English estimate
of an engagement contract may not
be out of place. In olden times
the "betrothal." which now forms
part of the marriage ritual, was a
separate service, taking place
months or even a year before the
marriage.
There is evidence of separate
espousals having been made in
England as late as the time of
Charles I. The record of one such
bears a date three years previous
to the marriage entry.
Although the formal religious
recognition has long since been
forgotten, the spirit survives,
and just cause must be shown for
breaking an engagement or society
looks askance, and is apt to
invent reasons at the expense of
the woman.
Marriage, to a certain extent, is
freedom to the English girl. That
is, an English matron may talk to
whom she pleases, go where she
pleases, do as she pleases within
certain limits, which would not be
considered limited even by
Americans.
But such freedom is only when
she is abroad. In her home she is
more than ever bound to subject
herself unto the higher powers.
"I have been married forty years,
and never crossed father in my
life," said a dear old lady whose
conception of wifely duty had been
so faithfully carried out that,
though one might differ with, one
could but respect her.
"I am his wife, therefore I must
be subject to him in all things,"
writes a young matron in a
sorrowful burst of confidence.
"So this is Jack's chair." said an
old gentleman to his American
daughter-in-law who had drawn an
easy chair in front of the open
fire for his benefit. "And I
suppose he comes home and sits
down here, and you take off his
boots and fetch him his slippers,
and",
"No, father," was the reply. "That
is Jack's chair and he sits in it,
but he takes off his own boots,
and the children bring him his
slippers."
The old gentleman stared and
probably thanked the goodness and
the grace (according to the little
hymn which all English children
learn) that had saved him from
taking unto himself an American
wife.
"I am inclined to doubt the
happiness to be found in
international marriages," says a
close observer; that is to say
where an Englishman marries an
American girl. "He expects a
subservience and an amount of
personal attention which American
women are accustomed to receive,
not to give. On the other hand, I
have reason to believe that were
American men to marry English
women, the result would be most
fortunate, for each would be
flattered by a deference and
service never anticipated."
There is one more relation of life
which needs to be noted, and in
this Americans may envy their
sisters "over the sea." The
devotion of children, especially
of sons to their mothers, is one
of the most charming phases of
English home life.
"The mater" is a goddess to her
boys. From his earliest years he
is taught by his father to yield
implicit and instant obedience.
As soon as he can reach the door
handle he must run to open the
door for her when she enters or
leaves a room. He must provide her
with the most comfortable chair,
he must fetch and carry for her,
look after her comfort, and
anticipate her every wish.
A hint of the service an English
son renders to his mother may be
had from the printed accounts of
the conduct of the Prince of Wales
when, on state occasions, he
appears with the Queen. It might
be supposed to be more Court
etiquette, but it is, in fact, the
deference of an English gentlemen
to his mother.
|