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In no respect can American and
English etiquette be contrasted more
fully than in the matter of the
every-day dinner, which in America
finds a lady in a plain silk dress,
high-necked and long-sleeved, but at
which the English lady always
appears in a semi-grand toilette,
with open Pompadour corsage and
elbow sleeves, if not in low-necked,
full-dress attire; while her
daughters are uniformly sleeveless,
and generally in white dresses,
often low-necked in depth of winter.
At dinner all the men are in evening
dress, even if there is no one
present at the time but the family.
The dinner is not so good as the
ordinary American dinner, except in
the matter of fish, which is
universally very fine. The
vegetables are few and poor, and the
"sweets," as they call dessert, are
very bad. A gooseberry tart is all
that is offered to one at an
ordinary dinner, although fine
strawberries and a pine are often
brought in afterwards. The dinner is
always served with much state, and
afterwards the ladies all combine to
amuse the guests by their talents.
There is no false shame in England
about singing and playing the piano.
Even poor performers do their best,
and contribute very much to the
pleasure of the company. At the
table people do not talk much, nor
do they gesticulate as Americans do.
They eat very quietly, and speak in
low tones. No matters of family
history or religion or political
differences are discussed before the
servants. Talking with the mouth
full is considered an unpardonable
vulgarity. All small preferences for
any particular dish are kept in the
background. No hostess ever
apologizes, or appears to hear or
see anything disagreeable. If the
omelet soufflé is a failure,
she does not observe it; the servant
offers and withdraws it, nor is any
one disturbed thereby. As soon as
one is helped he must begin to eat,
not waiting for any one else. If the
viand is too hot or too cold, or is
not what the visitor likes, he
pretends to eat it, playing with
knife and fork.
No guest ever passes a plate or
helps to anything; the servant does
all that. Soup is taken from the
side of the spoon noiselessly. Soup
and fish are not partaken of a
second time. If there is a joint,
and the master carves, it is proper,
however, to ask for a second cut.
Bread is passed by the servants, and
must be broken, not cut, afterwards.
It is considered gauche to be
undecided as to whether you will
take clear soup or thick soup;
decide quickly. In refusing wine,
simply say, "Thanks;" the servant
knows then that you do not take any.
The servants retire after handing
the dessert, and a few minutes' free
conversation is allowed. Then the
lady of the house gives the signal
for rising. Toasts and taking wine
with people are entirely out of
fashion; nor do the gentlemen remain
long in the dining-room.
At the English dinner-table, from
the plainest to the highest, there
is etiquette, manner, fine service,
and everything that Englishmen
enjoy. The wit, the courtier, the
beauty, and the poet aim at
appearing well at dinner. The
pleasures of the table, says
Savarin, bring neither enchantment,
ecstasy, nor transports, but they
gain in duration what they lose in
intensity; they incline us favorably
towards all other pleasures--at
least help to console us for the
loss of them.
At very few houses, even that of a
duke, does one see so elegant a
table and such a profusion of
flowers as at every millionaire's
table in New York; but one does see
superb old family silver and the
most beautiful table-linen even at a
very plain abode. The table is
almost uniformly lighted with wax
candles. Hot coffee is served
immediately after dinner in the
drawing-room. Plum-pudding, a sweet
omelet, or a very rich plum-tart is
often served in the middle of
dinner, before the game. The salad
always comes last, with the cheese.
This is utterly unlike our American
etiquette.
Tea is served in English
country-houses four or five times a
day. It is always brought to your
bedside before rising; it is poured
at breakfast and at lunch; it is a
necessary of life at five o'clock;
it is drunk just before going to
bed. Probably the cold, damp climate
has much to do with this; and the
tea is never very strong, but is
excellent, being always freshly
drawn, not steeped, and is most
refreshing.
Servants make the round of the table
in pairs, offering the condiments,
the sauces, the vegetables, and the
wines. The common- sense of the
English nation breaks out in their
dinners. Nothing is offered out of
season. To make too great a display
of wealth is considered bourgeois
and vulgar to a degree. A choice but
not over sumptuous dinner meets you
in the best houses. But to sit down
to the plainest dinners, as we do,
in plain clothes, would never be
permitted. Even ladies in deep
mourning are expected to make some
slight change at dinner. Iced
drinks are never offered in England,
nor in truth are they needed.
In England no one speaks of "sherry
wine," "port wine;" "champagne
wine," he always says "sherry,"
"port," "claret," etc. But in France
one always says "vin de Champagne,"
"vin de Bordeaux," etc. It goes to
show that what is proper in one
country is vulgar in another.
It is still considered proper for
the man of the house to know how to
carve, and at breakfast and lunch
the gentlemen present always cut the
cold beef, the fowl, the pressed
veal and the tongue. At a
country-house dinner the lady often
helps the soup herself. Even at very
quiet dinners a menu is
written out by the hostess and
placed at each plate. The ceremony
of the "first lady" being taken in
first and allowed to go out first is
always observed at even a family
dinner. No one apologizes for any
accident, such as overturning a
glass of claret, or dropping a
spoon, or even breaking a glass. It
is passed over in silence.
No English lady ever reproves her
servants at table, nor even before
her husband and children. Her duty
at table is to appear serene and
unruffled. She puts her guests at
their ease by appearing at ease
herself. In this respect English
hostesses are far ahead of American
ones.
In the matter of public holidays and
of their amusements the English
people behave very unlike American
people. If there is a week of
holidays, as at Whitsuntide, all the
laboring classes go out of town and
spend the day in the parks, the
woods, or the country. By this we
mean shop-girls, clerks in banks,
lawyer's clerks, young artists, and
physicians, all, in fact, who make
their bread by the sweat of their
brows. As for the privileged
classes, they go from London to
their estates, put on plain clothes,
and fish or bunt, or the ladies go
into the woods to pick wild-flowers.
The real love of nature, which is so
honorable a part of the English
character, breaks out in great and
small. In America a holiday is a day
when people dress in their best, and
either walk the streets of a great
city, or else take drives, or go to
museums or theatres, or do something
which smacks of civilization. How
few put on their plain clothes and
stout shoes and go into the woods!
How much better it would be for them
if they did!
At Whitsuntide the shop-girls of
London, a hard worked class go down
to Epping Forest, or to Hampton
Court, or to Windsor, with their
basket of lunch, and everywhere one
sees the sign "Hot Water for Tea,"
which means that they go into the
humble inn and pay a penny for the
use of the teapot and cup and the
hot water, bringing their own tea
and sugar. The economy which is a
part of every Englishman's religion
could well be copied in America.
Even a duchess tries to save money,
saying wisely that it is better to
give it away in charity than to
waste it. An unpleasant feature of
English life is, however, the open
palm, every one being willing to
take a fee, from a penny up to a
shilling, for the smallest service.
The etiquette of giving has to be
learned. A shilling is, however, as
good as a guinea for ordinary use;
no one but an American gives more.
The carriage etiquette differs from
ours, as the gentleman of the family
rides beside his wife, allowing his
daughters to ride backwards. He also
smokes in the Park in the company of
ladies, which looks boorish.
However, no gentleman sits beside a
lady in driving unless he is her
husband, father, son, or brother.
Not even an affianced lover is
permitted this seat.
It must be confessed that the groups
in Hyde Park and in Rotten Row and
about the Serpentine have a solemn
look, the people in the carriages
rarely chatting, but sitting up in
state to be looked at, the people in
chairs gravely staring at the
others. None but the people on
horseback seem at their ease; they
chat as they ride, and, all
faultlessly caparisoned as they are,
with well-groomed horses, and
servants behind, they seem gay and
jolly. In America it is the
equestrian who always looks
preoccupied and solemn, and as if
the horse were quite enough to
manage. The footmen are generally
powdered and very neatly dressed in
livery, in the swell carriages, but
the coachmen are not so highly
gotten up as formerly. Occasionally
one sees a very grand fat old
coachman in wig and knee- breeches,
but Jeames Yellowplush is growing a
thing of the past even in London.
A lady does not walk alone in the
Park. She may walk alone to church,
or to do her shopping, but even this
is not common. She had better take a
hansom, it now being proper for
ladies to go out to dinner alone in
full dress in one of these
singularly open and exposed-looking
carriages. It is not an uncommon
sight to see a lady in a diamond
tiara in a London hansom by the
blazing light of a summer sun. Thus
what we should shun as a very public
thing the reserved English woman
does in crowded London, and regards
it as proper, while she smiles if
she sees an American lady alone in a
Victoria in Hyde Park, and would
consider her a very improper person
if she asked a gentleman to drive
out with her, as we do in our Park
every day of our lives in an open
carriage. Truly etiquette is a
curious and arbitrary thing, and
differs in every country. In
France, where they consider English
people frightfully gauche, all this
etiquette is reversed, and is very
much more like ours in America. A
Frenchman always takes off his hat
on entering or leaving a railway
carriage if ladies are in it. An
Englishman never takes his hat off
unless the Princess of Wales is
passing, or he meets an
acquaintance. He sits with it on in
the House of Commons, in the
reading-room of a hotel, at his
club, where it is his privilege to
sulk; but in his own house he is the
most charming of hosts. The rudest
and almost the most unkind persons
in the world, if you meet them
without a letter or an introduction
in a public place, the English
become in their own houses the most
gentle, lovely, and polite of all
people. If the ladies meet in a
friend's parlor, there is none of
that snobbish rudeness which is the
fashion in America, where one lady
treats another as if she were afraid
of contamination, and will not speak
to her. The lady-in-waiting to Queen
Victoria, the duchess, is not afraid
of her nobility; her friend's roof
is an introduction; she speaks.
There is a great sense of the value
of a note. If a lady writes a pretty
note expressing thanks for
civilities offered to her, all the
family call on her and thank her for
her politeness. It is to be feared
that in this latter piece of
good-breeding we are behind our
English cousins. The English call
immediately after a party, an
invitation, or a letter of
introduction. An elegant and easy
epistolary style is of great use in
England; and indeed a lady is
expected even to write to an artist
asking permission to call and see
his pictures a thing rarely thought
of in America. |